Reverse Psychology

"Reverse psychology is a technique involving the advocacy of a belief or behavior that is opposite to the one desired, with the expectation that this approach will encourage the subject of the persuasion to do what actually is desired: the opposite of what is suggested. This technique relies on the psychological phenomenon of reactance, in which a person has a negative emotional response in reaction to being persuaded, and thus chooses the option which is being advocated against." - Wikipedia

 Have you heard of it before? Well if you haven't, you have now. It happens all the time. Our parents tell us not to ride our bike without a helmet, so we ride without a helmet out of pride. I won't hurt myself. I didn't. I can do it again. More often then not, we continue the bad habit so that we aren't prepared when the worst happens. Or how about homework? It's unavoidable. You have to do it if you want to have a good paying job now or in the future. Because we're told to, we procrastinate. I'm supposed to start this research paper tomorrow, but I think I'll just type it the night before it's due. It's not that hard. Guess what? You'll get a bad grade, either because there wasn't enough effort or it was late. Or both.

Okay, those are both pretty small things. Let's move on to something a little bigger. God. I'm the "good girl" so to speak. I grew up with God-fearing parents, I go to church, I went through AWANA, I did all those conferences, and I even went on a missions trip. Big whoop. They are all fantastic things that were made for our benefit and spiritual growth - and in the case of the mission trip such for those you are helping as well - but we resist it. At first, we all are slave to our sinful nature and it drives our thoughts, decisions, and passions. Why would I want to improve in my faith, or even have faith at all? We often as humans tend to do the opposite of the truth that's been taught in these places because of this natural instinct. It's reverse psychology. The only thing that can stop it is an inward change of heart and perspective.

This is a scary thought, but I personally believe that not even Jesus Christ can do that for you... by himself. Even though you may know a lot, or you may sing pretty sing-a-long songs at least once a week, the only way God can change you is if you fight what is innate in you and open yourself up. You must allow him entrance and trust in order for him to do his work. Suppose that a lump of clay says to its potter, "Hey, you're really awesome and all, but I don't really want to change shape. You can hold me. You can pour water on me. You can even spin me on the wheel. Just don't change me, because then I'll have no control over myself and it might be painful." Then it will always be a deformed blob with no shape or substance. If we live a Christian lifestyle without taking a chance and allowing Him to possibly (and probably) rock our world and shake our mindset, then this is pretty much our prayer to God. It's okay if you get hurt in the process, because the final product will be so much more useful and beautiful than the old lump. Once we let Him in and the transformation begins - a process that will be hard an will take a while - that's when truth will become clear and following it will become natural. When you feel it on the inside, you'll live it on the outside.

An Age For Innocence?

When you think of the word innocence, what is the first picture to enter your mind? A blank slate of white, clear water, or young children like this one? Perhaps the word provokes a picture lack there of, like blood, guns, war, weeping, or even death. I personally think of a little blonde boy with blue eyes. He's wearing plain white clothes, holding a flower, and smiling. I don't know why.

Innocence has many different definitions:
1) freedom from guilt or sin
2) blamelessness 
3) chastity
4) freedom from legal guilt of a particular crime or offense 
5) lack of worldly experience or sophistication
6) lack of knowledge

I believe that innocence is much more than a lack of sin, sexual activity, or knowledge of the world. In movies and TV shows, we hear sayings like "I lost my innocence" as a result of an affair. In books, we read about characters who view murder and feel that their own innocence has been taken. Now don't get me wrong, these are both very serious, trauma-inducing events and they shouldn't be taken lightly in reality. However, I'd like to share my own definition with you and explain to you what it means more in depth.

innocence: the lack of an impure or evil thought life, as not defined by a single thought or action

When we were young - and I mean like toddlers and little kids - we were unaware of "the birds and the bees." The biggest concern about the opposite sex was whether or not they had cooties. Coke was a soda. Getting high was seeing who could pump the best on the swings. Our thoughts revolved around playing outside, watching cartoons, making sure the cereal box had a toy in it, having the coolest item for Show and Tell, beating the other team in gym class, and learning from those older and wiser than us. Our thoughts were of playful teasing and careless fun. This is true innocence.

Entering middle school, people begin to create school stereotypes, and being good enough for everyone and the acceptance of those we admire become our main focus. We hear swear words - maybe for the first time, depending on how you were raised - and begin to use them for ourselves. We begin to fight with each other a little rougher than we did before, and before you know it, lines are crossed and friendships are broken. But that's not all.


Now we come to my current stage of life, the hell of high school. Honestly, what is innocent about it? People taking care of their desires on the stairs is a common sight, swearing is 50% of spoken words, rules are irrelevant, and being pure in thought is not a need in any way. We've traded our integrity for a lie. We've slowly but surely, piece-by-piece given our innocence away. Innocence is harder to hold on to as time goes on. It's so hard to think straight and to be focused on the things of God when so many things surrounding us are sinful and wrong. In a way, maybe it is lack of knowledge or experience. I often wish to be thirteen again, disgusted by foul speech, only having cute crushes on boys, and not knowing as much about them as I do now. It's not too late. Sure, we can't unlearn or unsee, but we can try our hardest to purify our hearts and our lives through the grace of God. When this feels impossible, look to Job 27:6 for guidance:

"I will maintain my innocence and never let go of it; my conscience will not reproach me as long as I live."

Procrastination.

I knew I was gonna write on this sooner or later...

Don't we all do it?
Don't we all procrastinate?

I'm procrastinating right now. I'm supposed to be writing a 6 to 9 page research paper on the dynamics of power in "The Lord of the Flies" and I have absolutely no motivation to do it. Except, oh yeah, it's due tomorrow... and I only have 1.5 pages done. I did all the research. I have a plan. There's an outline in my head, but once my butt's in the computer chair, I lose focus. There's the little Firefox icon on the screen. It's taunting me, beckoning me to check my Gmail, Facebook, deviantART, etc. Now what am I doing? I'm blogging. I wanna finish the 5 partial drawings in my sketchbook and finally post them on dA. I wanna suddenly find more inspiration to continue my fanfiction. I wanna quickly find the right words to finish this paper. I wanna have a point to this blog post!

Why do I do this to myself?
Why do I procrastinate?

I should be doing Physics, so I listen and play on my iPod.
I should be doing Trigonometry, so I write more ideas for "Names and Faces" (a fiction novel idea of mine) in my composition book.
I should be writing a paper for school, so I'm all over the internet.
I can't control myself.
Am I really immature for having the attention span of a fruit fly if I have good opinions and ideas, but don't know how to share and execute them?

Sigh.

I'm so frustrated at myself. I'm frustrated that I'm stuck as a stupid human being who screws up and can never seem to get anything right. I don't want to go to college and get a job. I don't want to own a house and worry about money. I don't want to be around people all day that I feel like I can't trust due to fear of judgement.

I want to be able to finish everything I start. I want people to listen me when I talk. I want to just escape reality and be creative all the time. I want to eventually have a wonderful husband who loves me and will take care of reality for me while I take care of a family, write, draw, paint, play, and sing. I just want this horrible nightmare that we call high school to be over with so that I can pursue that life. I'm at the point where if God wants something different for me, I wanna fight Him. I know it's not right, but I'm just so weary.

There. It feels good to get that off of my mind. Thanks for reading my pointless ranting. Now on to that paper.

The Rice Ball Philosophy

It's easy to be jealous of someone for what they have or what they can do, that is the good qualities in a person. I find myself in that position often. I don't retain a lot of what I learn or what I experience in life for some unknown reason, so my childhood memories are difficult and sometimes impossible to remember. The ones that I do remember are usually painful. For this reason, I often see myself as stupid or inadequate. When we feel this way, it's easy to just give up on ourselves and idolize those who have what we wish we had. But think of it this way.

Everyone is a rice ball.
We all have different tastes and different ingredients, but we're all essentially made of the same stuff.
Rice.

On the back of every rice ball, there's something special. A piece of salmon, an onion, or even a delicious plum. The only problem is where it's located, right on our backs. When we're surrounded by other rice balls, it's easy for us to see the special ingredients inside of them. They are visible to us and we admire the amazing flavor they must have. We think, "Look at me. I'm so plain. Why would anyone like an empty ball of rice?" In actuality, we might have a plum stuck to our backs. We just don't see it, unless another rice ball told us so.

The same goes for people. Everyone has good qualities, whether they know it or not. When we are with our family and our friends, their qualities are often easy to see because of what kind of person they are. We may even be jealous of their talents because they're so admirable. We may think, "I'm so boring. What makes a person like that even want to be around a person like me?" But guess what? While you don't even know it, they probably feel the same way about themselves. If you help someone by showing them the admirable qualities they possess, they'll probably want to tell you yours, too. You just have to be open to hear it and believe it.

It's quite ironic, actually. Most people say that in order to get along well with others, you have to build a better view of yourself first. I think that's all backwards. It's because of the people you surround yourself with - good people that see the good in you - that you grow in your self-confidence. It's because of your friends that see you for who you are better than you do that you become a better person yourself. They can see your plum.

I can see it, too.
A big one.
Right there.
On your back.

All you have to do is believe it.

2012. This year, let's get real.

The last month or so, my life has been pretty hectic.
My relationships with people that I thought were my friends have been crumbling.
People that I used to never talk to have become some of the greatest treasures in my life.
Things that I thought to be true my whole life end up being a lie.
Things that I've denied all along end up being truth.
Because of all these drastic changes, my grades and my attitude towards people have deeply suffered.
I went from neutral happiness to deep depression, and just yesterday to eternal joy.

I grew up in the church, forced to be the good little girl that everyone expected me to be.
Sure, I wasn't perfect, but Jesus loves me.
Isn't that what they keep on telling me?
"You were born sinful. You are a pitiful human being. Jesus loves you. Only He can save you. Give Him your heart, follow His rules, and you'll be okay."
It's so easy to believe something when you hear it over and over and it's forced into your sponge-like brain.
When we get older, we think more. We know more. We see more.
We've all had those moments, long or short, when we thought, "This is a load of crap. God and disciples and miracles. I don't need any of this in my life because it's not real."
Don't shake you head like you haven't thought that at least ONCE. We're only human. If you haven't thought this before AT LEAST ONCE, I would suggest that you hurry over to the doctor and get tested.

Then there's the crossroads.
Oh, the mighty crossroads. How I loathe thee for being so God-damned difficult.
You know what I'm talking about. You have to choose whether to continue in what you've been taught in spirit and in truth for the rest of your life - so it's a big deal - or just decide that it's a wormhole religion, sucking people in without proof and telling people pretty stories to make their lives somewhat better.

For the past month, I've been thinking.
A lot.
Too much than what's healthy for a human being.
To be completely honest with you, I was leaning heavily towards the "wormhole religion" side not very long ago.
I began to lash out at people in anger, rip up my friends' feelings like paper, realizing just how fragile everyone is.
Guys, it's okay. You're not invincible. Life isn't all about being tough and not feeling emotions.
Girls, think for a moment. Is life REALLY all the drama that we crack it up to be? Is it really THAT big of a deal when that one person we like doesn't talk to us because they may have legit reasons and we immediately assume the worst?
Both, it's not all about you.

It's not all about me, either.
That's something that I had to realize this past month as well.
Something else that I've realized is that life is short.
Really.
Life is really short.
Guess what?
HIGH SCHOOL IS EVEN SHORTER.
No matter how many times we vote for homecoming court, it will always be a popularity contest.
No matter how many times we try to be "cool" - for those of us who aren't - we know it's never gonna happen.
And no matter how many friends, titles, championships, good grades or compliments we accumulate, ONLY our character is gonna matter when we get into the REAL WORLD and do REAL THINGS.

We're not all gonna be professional athletes.
We're not all gonna be famous singers.
Life isn't a show.
It's a chance to build up from the ground what God started when he first created the world:
All things good, and all things dedicated to him.
This was my main issue with that:
So, why would God do this to me if He loves me? I'm not supposed to chase my dreams, I'm not supposed to follow my heart, I'm not supposed to "fall in love" with someone... I have no freedom.
Guess what? We actually have too much freedom.

See, I may not everything, but I think that I've figured something out.
Since Adam and Eve ate fruit from the forbidden tree, it wasn't just sin that entered the world.
It was our earthly logic.
God has His own system of logic the one that defies our reality and is too vast for us to comprehend.
So vast that it's simple.
Adam and Eve had this state of mind, this peace, and this simplicity.
When they first sinned, our stubborn realistic and complicated minds contaminated us, ALONG with our sin.
BOTH completely separated and disconnected us from the God of the world, the universe, and the never-ending galaxies.
Ouch.

IN HIS REALITY, giving up our hopes and our dreams to Him will actually make us more free than we ever could be on our own.
How?
Because all the things that will happen to us when we do that, good and bad, will shape us more and more, getting us closer and closer to the holy and care-free beings that he made at the beginning of time.
(See what I did there? I made the main point stand out.)
I know, it's a little big.
It's hard to wrap my brain around, but it makes sense.
When I was at my lowest point of depression, I realized this.

Then school started again.
New year.
2012.
More high school drama.
More annoying pep fests where, truly, no one knows what's going on.
More pointless competitions and cheers.
More click-ism.
You know it.
HOWEVER, I'm just gonna let it go.
I'm gonna try to think less about my life and more about letting other people know the joy that He has brought me. I'm gonna try to be less of an attention go-getter and more of a true friend.
Not a follower, not a stalker, not a wanna-be,
A friend.

I suggest you do the same.

Christmastime Blues

I wrote this last year, but I still agree wholeheartedly with it. Is it cheap to reuse something that's good? I think not. Enjoy :)

Here in Minnesota, it seems like the Christmas season begins before Thanksgiving does. Everyone is thankful for one single day, they eat themselves silly, and then just as quickly Christmas comes into play. It's quite amazing, really. The turkey is pre-cut for leftover sandwiches, and the Christmas tree and all it's ornaments go up. The mashed potatoes and gravy are packed in the fridge, and the stockings are hung upon the mantle. The hot chocolate with marshmallows is made, the fire is stoked, and the Wish Lists grow to be longer than you are tall. Why is it that as humans we are so slow be be thankful for everything God has blessed us with, and so fast to take it for granted and start every sentence with "I want"?

Every year, I play the part. A merry caroler, a gift giver, a cookie baker, a snowman maker... but as December goes on, I feel empty. I feel that I am "just trying to survive the holidays", and the selfishness that goes along with them. I almost feel like a Charlie Brown, in a way. Then come all these new names... Happy Holidays, Merry Xmas, Seasons Greetings... Have we forgotten why the true name starts with Christ? I have my own name for December 25th. Happy Birthday. I wish a VERY happy birthday to my Lord and Savior who LOST everything so that we could HAVE everything. I wish for whatever my family and friends decide to give me, as long as it's with a giving spirit and a true heart. I wish people to stop playing the Christmas parts that we so often get caught up into. When I think about Christmas, what come to mind is snow storms, car crashes, canceled flights, stressful schedules, homeless people freezing outside, and children in 3rd world countries that may never receive anything for Christmas this year. The only truly "merry" thing that comes to mind is the fact that Christ came to this earth, served his years as a wonderful teacher, and then became the ultimate sacrifice. If you ever find yourself feeling like me, and getting the Christmastime blues, just remember one fact. The name Christmas represents Christ's birthday, and His love is what we should show, no matter the person, no matter the season.

Be heard. Be strong. Be proud.

Hello fellow earthlings. So tonight, I'm going to be reviewing a movie I just watched on Netflix. It's called Lemonade Mouth, and it was literally one of the best movies I've seen in a long time. So quite a few months back, I was flipping channels when I came across a very purposely vague preview on Disney Channel. They just said, "Lemonade Mouth. Coming soon to Disney Channel." I didn't know if it was a movie or a new TV show or a new Radio Disney band or what, so I just turned it off and didn't give it a second thought... for a while. Then I thought about it later when I was on the computer and decided to Google it (I love how Google is a verb now.). I found out that it was just another Disney Channel Original Movie in the making, and made a conscious decision not to watch it because of all their other cheesy music movies, suck as The Cheetah Girls, High School Musical, and Camp Rock. All of them are movie series, and all of them are pretty bad. I do have a bit of a thing for HSM, but only because Zac Efron is one of the prettiest boys I have ever seen.

ANYWAY... Because of these previous failed attempts at musical classics, I made an assumption that this Lemonade Mouth would be no different. It has Bridgit Mendler and Hayley Kiyoko as stars, two young and talented actresses that I've come to enjoy, but just like Zac in HSM, I thought that they were going to be hopeless romantics and optimists and things that real teenagers just AREN'T all the time. Then I got a facebook message from my Grandma Diane just recently saying that she and grandpa watched it together and thought that our family should watch it, too. That didn't help my preset opinion much because, let's just be honest, grandparents sometimes just don't know what's cool nowadays and what's not. I'm sorry. So tonight mom was like, "Kari, you wanna do something together?" and I replied, "I heard from grandma that there's this movie called Lemonade Mouth on Netflix and that we should watch it." So we did. And let me tell you, it totally denied my expectations.

Basically, there are these five teenagers that each have a personal problem, and these are things that anyone can relate to. Parents that expect something from you because of your older sibling, an unwanted stepmother changing your life, a father in prison and mother dead, control freak parents that expect you to be perfect, and being the family oddball. I like how each of these five young adults' stories were presented and progressed until the end of the movie. I also liked how they stuck together as friends because they could use their own experiences to help each other cope and decide the right thing to do. They all happen to have detention together one day because of things that happened to that day and they find out while they're bored the musical talent that they all have. They don't know each other much at this point. Stella (Hayley Kiyoko) decides after the gang leaves detention that their meeting was destiny, and she texts them all to come to a meeting location where they decide to form a band. Without going into too much detail, there is a lemonade machine in the school that is scheduled to be removed because of a major sports drink sponsoring the school's new gymnasium, and that lemonade machine is a symbol of the school's social outcasts being ignored and excluded to make room for the more important jocks and cheerleaders. With both their personal lives and their school lives, the gang feels unwanted and unheard. So they start Lemonade Mouth.

As their lives get tougher with everything that threatens their band, they become united closer in love as friends. Everytime they are just about to give up, Stella gives a powerful pick-me-up speech and they stay together. The message of the movie is to never stop trying until you know that people listen to you and people care, because being the voice of the people is what really matters. The title of this blog post is actually the band slogan. Be heard. Be strong. Be proud.

I enjoyed this movie very much because it pulled on my heart strings in so many different places. Yes, there were times when a cliché line would come up, or a classic filmmaking mistake was made, but every Disney Channel movie has that. I liked it more than HSM because the only major issues were Troy discovering that he likes singing and Gabriella moving. Also, it interprets high school more realistically than HSM. Of course it wasn't 100% accurate, or else the movie wouldn't be G-rated! High School sucks sometimes... the songs were more meaningful than HSM songs, the actors were so much less fake; Lemonade Mouth was an overall enlightening, entertaining, and thought-provoking movie that I think everyone should see, especially young people. And just a pointless sidenote... I love every single outfit in Stella's wardrobe. Sorry, but I'm a girl. I notice these things. Go watch Lemonade Mouth on Netflix for free on your instant que! If you don't have Netflix, accept the fact than you're in the 21st century and get one!!

Thanks for reading :)
Karianna Sheffrey